I have not written on a blog post for such a long time. I found the time was taken up with writing notes for children every day ... What they ate, the contents of their nappies, what they said and did during the day. Oh yes, the joys of being a childminder. I listen to the Rediculous excusese from parents for poor clothes choice, why they can't pick up their sick child, why their child is so tired and so on. Now please, don't get me wrong, I actually love my job. When A comes running up to me with her huge grin and gives me a big hug saying Oh I love you Carol. And when she sings Happy Day-she shouts out "Jesus is alive!" Oh and when F rattles off "ddddddddddd get down." Which is his version of thank you for my dinner, please can I get down. And when he covers his head with a blanket, pulls it off and says "pee-a-boo." His great excitement when he sees A, or my cats! The fact that he loves being with me and asks after me all weekend. And G who makes me laugh with her fantastic comments-like this week I taught her that jellyfish have tentacles and she said oh, one tickle, two tickle, three tickle. I see why some people write down what their kids say. I was very sad to say good-bye to C and am so glad we will still see him some of the time at toddlers. Baby J cries and doesn't sleep a great deal, but also has the greatest leopard crawl and giggle.
Enough about those kids, what about me? Working with children, giving them kisses and cuddles when they fall and having them sleep on my lap reminds me of what I still don't have. They comfort me as much as I'm comforting them ... maybe.
After failed surrogacy IVF attempts and then our own failed IVF we find ourselves here ... in the middle of a frozen embryo transfer. And I'm filled with all sorts of emotions. Besides that if you shake me I'd rattle with the amount of drugs I'm on. So different to IVF treatments in the past ... Lets compare:
Take buserilin sniffer-finds it makes me rather sick so swap to injections for 3 1/2 weeks until fully down regulated. Scan says go for it!
Now start Gonal F 150 units and go for bloods and scan...eek, lets increase to 225 units.
Scan says a few more days, pain is getting bad, tummy swollen, oh the stress!
Next scan says quick, you're ready, take the HCG trigger.
Oh, we've got 12 eggs
And 8 have fertilised
Start cycolgest pesaries one in the morning one at night until pregnancy test.
Day 3- they are all growing at more or less the same rate so lets wait till day 5.
Day 5-we'll put 2 back in. No no we won't says the doc, far too risky for you! But what will happen to the 2 other good ones- we'll freeze one and check the other one tomorrow.
Transfer was super painful-I didn't know it would be like that!
Day 6 yay, another one frozen!
Pregnancy test day-faint positive, happy or unsure.
Spotting begins 2 days later,bleading was never very heavy.
Bloods reveal Beta at less than 10 :-(
And then I took so long to get over it all emotionally that I couldn't face the unknown of a Frozen Embryo Cycle.
In the mean time I asked for a scan from my Gynae to check query hydrosalpinx...long story short he says no, just loculated adhesions with a cyst that he would like to drain just before starting the transfer cycle. Ok, so now I have a decision to make, well we have a decision. I know it is my body, but we are in this together. And then we just went with when the doctor could schedule the cyst draining. Oh yes, and in the mean time we found I had high natural killer cells which meant I will need to take some extra meds to prevent my body from fighting against our baby when it is put back in. Sorry this is all over the place, I'm just getting it off my chest all in one go and as it comes to my mind.
24 July and we go for an appointment at Guys to get the scheduling for the Frozen Embryo transfer. It all ended up seeming a lot longer than we thought it would be, and with a lovely and much needed week holiday in Greece booked for September and the cyst draining being only 2 days before I'm meant to start the first set of drugs the doctor strongly suggested we postpone treatment by one month. For goodness sake-can things not just go according to plan for once! And then I'm reminded this will always be God's timing, and we have prayed and trusted His timing is perfect!
So 26 July and I'm there for the hysteroscopy and cyst draining. It goes well, as well as I guess it could. Cyst was fairly big and found a few polyps on the womb that were removed too. Time to recover and wait for that amazing holiday.
24 August I start buserilin injections - I forget just how much I hate these things. I have a few allergic reactions to the injections, but with much prayer these go.
31 August and we're jetting off to a week of relaxation and luxury. BUT my period is due today...eventually on the 4th September we do a Greek pregnancy test. What a strange moment, where after about 9 years of infertility struggles we find ourselves hoping this is negative. Why? Well coz I'm on buserilin again and don't want a pregnancy to be tainted with possible deformalities or miscarriage because of the drugs I'm on. It was negative and the next day the red enemy arrived - although this time she was my friend. She marked the beginning of this new try. This different step.
Here's the drugs for this one:
Buserilin injections 50 units from day 21 until period, then drop to 20 units the day period starts(that was later than we expected)
6mg progynovia which is estrogen. Eek they made me dizzy so I took them earlier in the day to have the dizziness when I was sleeping.
Scan at day 15 reveals lining is only 5.2mm not thick enough.
So they increase the progynovia to 8mg (that is 4 tablets). Now I was told to take all the tablets at once at night time to sleep off the side affects. As I said before I took them earlier in the day because of dizziness. Well with the increase came terrible sickness feelings and the dizziness returned full force. This is when I learned that taking all the tablets will cause a big surge so it is best to space the tablets throughout the day. Hmm, this meant 4 alarms during the day to remember. Took a few days but I settled into that.
Scan on 27 September shows triple stripe. Apparently this is good cause the nurse was so excited. I came home and looked it up on another persons blog actually. Google proved semi helpful, but it was this blog that explained it better. Triple stripe is supposed to mean better success...well anything to give me more hope!
And the transfer was scheduled for Friday 4th October at 12.50. Please defrost safely baby!!!
Saturday I took the last buserilin and somehow I was sad, as much as I hate injections. Guess it meant next steps were closer, and the pessimistic side of me thinks once step closer to finding out that it hasn't worked again. Hmmm, I've prayed against that negativity and can only hope and pray it does work.
Now 2 cycolgest pesaries added - one in the morning and one at night.
Also, something's different again is the predisinol 20mg in the morning after breakfast for immune issues. They have nasty side affects, but lets just hope I get none of that!
And here I am, the countdown to Friday, but even more so the countdown to test day.
I realise this was boring reading, but I'll write a bit more on feelings and as we go through it when I have time. I just wanted to play catch up with the so fars.
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